i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
