I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
