wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
