Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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