I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My hand turned me down
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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