weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
