Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
is it fun? or sober?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
