I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
