I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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