Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
