come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
