trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
