We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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