How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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