go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
