I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
