it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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