you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
