i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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