My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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