So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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