I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
