so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
