There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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