I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
