she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
