she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
