The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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