worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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