I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
