dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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