I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
