i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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