Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize