When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
