You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize