people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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