He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
