shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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