he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
