Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
