The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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