Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
