WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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