just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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