Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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