Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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