so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
