Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
