There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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