now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
