woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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