You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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