Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
