FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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