I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
