I can tuck mytits in my pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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