dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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