Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
