omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
