We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
