and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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