i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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