The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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