I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize