I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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