i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
