Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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