I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
