when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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