She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
