The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
