At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
