oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he puts the penis in happiness.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize