you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
