Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
