i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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