After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
