i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
