a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
