laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
