I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
