that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
