omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
