whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When are your genitals available?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
