I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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