Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize