ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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