If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
