1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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