You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
