i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
