They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a search helicopter?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're like the curious george of whores
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
