Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
