apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
