oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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