I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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