Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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