Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
