i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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