hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
